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TIME: Almanac 1995
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<text id=92TT0801>
<title>
Apr. 13, 1992: And the Winners Were
</title>
<history>
TIME--The Weekly Newsmagazine--1992
Apr. 13, 1992 Campus of the Future
</history>
<article>
<source>Time Magazine</source>
<hdr>
PEOPLE, Page 63
And the Winners Were
</hdr><body>
<p>By Michael Quinn
</p>
<p> With the quick-witted Billy Crystal at the helm, this
year's Academy Awards didn't drag on from here to eternity. But
in the course of three hours and 33 minutes, a few awards seem
to have been overlooked:
</p>
<p>-- The Um-Um-Uh Porky Uh-Uh Pig Um-Um Award for Uh-Uh-Uh
Elocution. No, that was not Mel Tillis accepting the Oscar for
Best Director. That was Jonathan Demme, who lensed Oscar sweeper
The Silence of the Lambs. Number of ums and uhs in his
acceptance speech: 94. Clarice wouldn't have been this nervous
taking Hannibal Lecter to a restaurant with an all-you-can-eat
special.
</p>
<p>-- The Elsa Lanchester Bride of Frankenstein Award for
Original Hairstyle. Best Supporting Actress nominee Juliette
Lewis (Cape Fear), who won for her queer coiffure, soon to be
featured in White Women Can't Wear Cornrows.
</p>
<p>-- The George Jessel Droner's Distinction. Fortunately,
the worst speech was the first speech: Karl Malden's treacly
ode to "the pure joy of movies." He should have left home
without it. In telling contrast to such inane Oscarspeak was
bedridden Lifetime Achievement honoree Satyajit Ray's truly
joyful reminiscences of his youth, when the future Indian auteur
was bedazzled by American moviemakers--from master director
Billy Wilder to perky ingenue songstress Deanna Durbin.
</p>
<p>-- The Cher Dress-for-Excess Medal. This year was notable
for a refreshingly retro emphasis on class over cleavage.
Among the appalling exceptions: Sylvester Stallone steady
Jennifer Flavin, basically adorned in buckles and other people's
averted glances.
</p>
<p>-- The Robert Fulghum Pseudo-Intellectual Depth Charge.
The winner: a bespectacled Stallone, who forked over the
Foreign Film Oscar after some indecipherable babble about "the
nature of man, nature in the wild, which is too often the nature
of man." The band wasn't fooled--it played the theme from
Rocky as Sly strode to the podium.
</p>
</body></article>
</text>